Primarily, God did not make us to be alone. When I say alone, I mean being single or unmarried. God saw the incompleteness of man when he was made and decided to make it good.
Is it the will of God for me to get a wife?
Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. KJV
So, it’s not a thought of sin when you think of marriage. Some people, in their holiness, believe the thought of marriage is a sort of defilement to their souls and their Christian life. Little wonder we experience some isolated cases of a newly wedded bride finding it difficult to come to terms with romance and sexual intercourse. It sounds funny, but it’s true.
But there are people who abstain from sexual activities for religious reasons. It is generally referred to as celibacy. There are also men who are naturally born to abstain from sexual activities. Some also decide on their own to be in this class. The Bible described them as eunuchs.
Who are Eunuchs?
Eunuchs are typically defined as castrated men placed in charge over the king’s wives and concubines. But this lifestyle isn’t the only representation of a eunuch. In the Bible, the Hebrew word saris (eunuch), refers to a man in some sort of service to a ruler, but castration isn’t always a part of the story. So all of them are not necessarily castrated. Some decide on their own to be eunuchs.
When do I know I need a wife?
Searching for a wife starts from the point where you acknowledge the need for a wife. That’s the starting point. And one does not really go for what he does not desire. At a point in your life, you have some needs to fill – a friend, a companion, romance, physical affection, psychological and emotional support, help.
There are things to be in place before taking having a wife seriously:
- You must be financially, physically, mentally and emotionally mature and ready
- You must have a steady source of income
- You must have a roof over your head
- You must make Jesus your most important relationship
Mostly in the time past, people get married to other people referred to them or arranged by their families. The couples may not have personally known themselves before the marriage. But the families do the background checks and other necessary consultations.
In today’s world, this is rarely the case. Young men and women who have interest in getting together as man and wife get to know themselves directly. In the Christian gathering, this intention is made known to either the leadership of the church or the marriage committee as the case may be, who counsel and oversee the dating relationship to ensure it is done in accordance with the church doctrine.
It is very important you date someone of same faith with you. It’ll help solve about half the problem. Dating someone outside your faith comes with a lot of challenges. Remember faith is all about spirituality. When you pick someone outside your faith, it becomes difficult to align spiritually, and without aligning spiritually, that’s the beginning of conflicts. That’s why I said it solves about half the challenge when you choose someone from same faith with you.
In this dating period, the young people get to know each other well – their personality, their temperament, their spirituality, their commitments, visions, dreams, aspirations, and discuss their future together. It is true that no one is perfect, but at this period, it is expected that the parties involved, observe clearly and carefully, whether they can get together as man and wife, and explicitly take that decision whether to continue or not. In the case where one finds out it cannot work out between them, it is advised the dating is discontinued immediately and the church leadership or marriage committee notified.
How do you know she’s the one?
So, to itemize what to look out for:
- Physical maturity
- Mental maturity
- Emotional maturity
- Good personality
- Good temperament management
- Spiritual maturity
- Clear life vision
- Clear and achievable dreams
- Solid and balanced view about marriage
- And more importantly, ready to settle down
Never can you be at peace with anyone you’re not comfortable being in his presence. It’s one of the easiest signs she’s not the one. And apart from those above listed virtues which you have to be on the lookout for, the Holy spirit of God reveals to you what you will not ordinarily see or know. Whatever you do, let the Spirit guide your decisions. He knows what you don’t know. Never ever be out of connection with Him if indeed you need His leading. He knows what you need. He quickens you to know when you’re getting it wrong. And He speaks peace to you when you’re getting it right but are confused.
Make out quality time for prayers. Talk less and listen and wait more. He never fails. He may not be loud but He is sure as the dawn.
For how long should I date?
Dating does not really have a time frame. Some date for months. Some date for one year. Some two to three years. Some, more. Intending couple should take their time to know and understand who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But at the same time, long dating period could lead to the temptation of actually seeing yourselves as and acting like already married couple. This leads to sin. And sometimes to other sins. Nobody has it all. You don’t have it all yourself. We are only looking for someone who can compliment us. So look at where you compliment each other, if it’s okay by you, with the direction of the Holy Spirit, go ahead. Marriage is good.